A Brand New Day....

I came across this quote today:

This quote has really opened up my eyes, and has reminded me that I need to keep an open mind about life. To take trials as they come, and do what I need to, to overcome them the best way that I can. To be happy with myself and remember that it is not a bad life, just a bad day. I know that what lies ahead of me is not going to be easy and at times I may want to break down again, and honeslty that may happen, but in the end, I hope that I can find the good in what the future holds for me.

I am still not happy with who I am right now, but I am working on it. That's all I can do right now. Work on me. 

I still have nightmares most nights, about him, about life, about not knowing where I am going or who I am. I wake up shivering, feeling like a pound of bricks is resting on my chest. I can't breathe. The nightmares feel so real. I don't know what I can do to make them go away. I think I have come to the reality that they will never go away. But I can't let being scared run my life. I have to move on.

All of what I have said is so much easier said then done. I really hope I can do this.........





  


I am okay.....

It has been a long time since I have posted. I guess I have just been taking that time to see if I knew who I was and where I want to be. My life has been a huge struggle. One after another. I have come to realize this: I am okay. My life is not ideal. I am no where close to where I want to be. But I am okay. It is time for me to start to smile for real. Time for me to be me and love it. I can do this. I have people surrounding me that love me and care about me. Even though there is someone missing in the equation, it is not going to stop me from living.

I know that there will be more struggles to come, but I will take them on as they come and face them with resilience. I can do this.

I have realized that I respect myself and respect him enough to not push my way into anyone's life, especially his. If someone wants to be my friend and wants me in their life, I will be. Otherwise, I can't force it. 

Healing takes time. I am not fully healed. In fact, I don't think I ever will be, but I can find ways to push through it. I have to. I can't keep living my life in depression. I can't hide myself away from the world. It only brings me down and weakens me more. It is time for me to get up and continue living, whether I like it or not. The world doesn't stop for me.....