I am okay.....

It has been a long time since I have posted. I guess I have just been taking that time to see if I knew who I was and where I want to be. My life has been a huge struggle. One after another. I have come to realize this: I am okay. My life is not ideal. I am no where close to where I want to be. But I am okay. It is time for me to start to smile for real. Time for me to be me and love it. I can do this. I have people surrounding me that love me and care about me. Even though there is someone missing in the equation, it is not going to stop me from living.

I know that there will be more struggles to come, but I will take them on as they come and face them with resilience. I can do this.

I have realized that I respect myself and respect him enough to not push my way into anyone's life, especially his. If someone wants to be my friend and wants me in their life, I will be. Otherwise, I can't force it. 

Healing takes time. I am not fully healed. In fact, I don't think I ever will be, but I can find ways to push through it. I have to. I can't keep living my life in depression. I can't hide myself away from the world. It only brings me down and weakens me more. It is time for me to get up and continue living, whether I like it or not. The world doesn't stop for me.....