Another nightmare becomes reality......

Wake up Sarah, wake up!


Last night I was having dream that felt so real that I could smell the scents that surrounded me, and I could feel the touch of a gentle yet rough hand that grabbed mine. We were walking through a field full of beautiful sunflowers and daisies. His hand was grasped tight around mine. I felt so safe and so in love that nothing else mattered. I closed my eyes for what felt like no more then 10 seconds and when I opened them, he was gone. No where in sight. I frantically turned around in circles hoping that when I came around again, he would be there, but he wasn't. Just then, the sunflowers and daisies were gone. Like they vanished in thin air. I could no longer smell the aroma of fresh flowers nor feel any touch of hand. I felt cold.

I was alone. He was gone.

I started to run as fast as I could until I couldn't go anymore. I fell to my knees and started to cry; praying that this wasn't real.

When I woke up, my pillow was drenched with tears. I sat up quickly and looked around for a minute until I realized that it wasn't just a dream. It was my nightmare that has turned into my reality.

I am alone. He is gone.

I struggle to pull myself out of bed every morning. Things that used to excite or entice, no longer appeal to me. I put a fake smile on my face because the last thing I want is to expose these emotions in order to solicit "the look" from people. Sometimes you just can't tell people how you really feel. Not because you don't know why, not because you don't know your purpose, not because you don't trust them, but because you can't find the right words to make them understand. Understand the true deep emotions that I am feeling and the reason behind them. I have a reason. I know that others may have it worse then me and I try to focus on that mere fact, that "things could be worse" but to me, the life that has chosen me is at it's breaking point.

I wish I could just wake up from this horrible nightmare, but the fact is, that this nightmare is my reality. My everyday life that I have to unfortunately continue living........