It's My Turn

I haven't had much to write about lately, yet my mind has been going a hundred miles an hour. There is so much in there that I can't find the words to be able to put it on paper.

I hate the feeling that my life has no direction. I am unsure of where I am and where I am going. Each day goes by faster then the last. I get older and yet I still am going nowhere. All the goals I had for myself seem as though they have been hidden at the bottom of a barrell that is full of needles. I have to dig my way through those needles, getting poked and bleeding along the way. The deeper I dig, the harder it becomes. Eventually, I will give up. 

I am so ready for my life to begin! I want a husband. Someone who I can come home to that will love me unconditonally. Someone I can grow old with. I want a family. God, I want a family! I want kids to call my own. To be able to be the mother that I know I can be. To raise my kids to be amazing. It is really hard to see people all around me getting what I so badly want. It is not fair.... When will it be my turn? I am sick of waiting and hoping for what I fear will never come........

At one point, my family and my life was so close, I felt like I was about to wrap my arms around it. You couldn't erase the smile from my face and my full heart if you tried. It was ripped away from me. Taken so fast that I didn't even have time to comprehend it. I am still unsure of the sudden end to what felt so real and so close. Now I am back at the beginning. Starting over. I don't know what to do. I am lost.

Fear that it will never come again..... fear of being alone forever.......


When will my life begin......... It is my turn......